THINGS MY FRIENDS TAKE FOR GRANTED AND DON'T APPRECIATE

This entry is a follow-up to the blog entry that follows this one.  The blog entry below discusses what was considered "normal" when you grow up dirt poor and this blog entry discusses the "normal" things others take for granted but those of us who grew up dirt poor honestly appreciate.  Both entries are similar stories so my readers may see some repetition.  But it all ties in........

I appreciate it SO MUCH that my children never had to live this way.  Sometimes our money was tight, but they never  had to come home to disconnected lights or bill collectors banging on the door, like I did.

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I recently came across this article on facebook, ….. 

“25 former poor kids share things they never had that their friends didn't appreciate. It's a lesson in gratitude”

https://scoop.upworthy.com/former-poor-kids-share-things-they-never-had-friends-didnt-appreciate-its-a-lesson-in-gratitude?fbclid=IwAR1QQ0UHCdk9KH1OcGybb4wEOzacASOWIgsysPrEbwOMvE5dhUvzHekxw3A 
 ….. which made me think of my own list.  Right now I really miss CJ, as I know she could add so much more to this very long list.
 

Here is the list of things I've come to appreciate..... 

My friends have frequently heard me describe myself as “I grew up dirt poor.  Seriously, dirt had it better than us.  We had perfect attendance at school because school is where the food was.  And this was LONG before free lunches and breakfast at school was not even an idea yet.”
 
Before you read further, I also tell people I wouldn’t change a thing because it has made me the strong, independent person I am.  People who grow up “with everything” (uh….that can probably be translated to “grow up normal”) can’t figure out how to survive what I refer to as “just life”.
 
So many of the things listed in this article hit home for me.  Being yelled at for eating because we wouldn’t have anything for supper tomorrow.  Never being allowed to drink milk because we had to save it for the baby. Having a car that would start.  Having a car that I don’t live in fear will break down on me and leave me stranded somewhere, then getting yelled at for “bothering” people to use their phone to call for help.
 
I appreciate being able to have candles for decoration and not for required light when (not if) the power was cut off because the bill didn’t get paid. I am grateful that I know I will always have heat in the winter.  Growing up it was a given that we’d go without heat for most of the winter.
 

I appreciate and am grateful for toilet paper.  Oh my gosh, my kids will never understand the love and thrill of always having toilet paper in the house. My kids will never understand what it was like to go to the bathroom and have NOTHING to wipe with.  Just do your business, pull up your pants, and go.  I can’t remember exactly when, but I was an older kid (8? 10?) before I learned that girls also wipe after they pee.  During the summer, when we were locked out of the house, we would use the outhouse which was never stocked with toilet paper.  We thought it was normal.
 
I remember when I was first married and had real boxes of tissue sitting around.  I thought I had “made it” because I could afford tissue like rich people.
 
Taking a bubble bath today is such a luxury. On bath night (yes, bath night. Once a week bath night), our “bubble bath” was made by throwing a handful of Tide powder laundry soap in the tub to make “suds”.  Never “bubbles”.  Suds.
 
Yes, I’ve gone thru periods where I had to juggle what was getting paid, but my kids never had their power, heat or water disconnected.  My kids will also never know the embarrassment and fear of being ten years old and being told to answer the door and tell the power company “the check’s in mail” while my mom hid in the bathroom.  They will never experience learning to hide when bill collectors came to the door, which was so often it became normal.  I am grateful that I do not have be afraid of who might be knocking at my door.
 
I probably don’t like breakfast food because many of our suppers (rich people had “dinner” …… we had supper) were eggs that dad would get from gramma’s henhouse. Some dishes that were created when I was a kid became a family favorite, but gravy bread will never be one of them.  It was a sign that we were down to less than nothing when gravy bread was supper.  Gravy made from Crisco, flour and water spooned over slices of bread that went immediately soggy. 

 

It may be why I refuse to eat soggy foods, like cereal at the end of the bowl (I will eat two small bowls of cereal instead of one normal bowl, so I can eat the cereal before it gets soggy), and I won’t just crumble crackers in soup for the same reason.
 
Plus I just never got used to eating breakfast since we never had money for milk for cereal and our mom was not the type to get up and cook eggs for everyone.  I went most of my life with no breakfast.  I’m used to it.  It’s no big deal not to eat anything until the afternoon.  I am grateful and appreciate just having my coffee in the morning.
 

And speaking of bread, to this day, I refuse to eat the last two slices in a loaf.  I will never be so poor again that I can’t afford to throw out bread that is stale.  (I also believe to waste food is a sin, so I put these slices in the freezer and use them for stuffing and bread crumbs.)

It would have been nice to have enough underwear.  Our mom would buy 2-3 packs of underwear (figure 4 pair per pack) at the beginning of school year and that had to last three or four girls the entire year.  The. Entire. Year. 

If we changed clothes/underwear too often, we got yelled at for creating laundry for her to do, so wearing underwear for 5, 7 or more days in a row was normal.  I didn’t know everyone else didn’t do that.  

Living in the country, running water caused the electric well to run which ran up the light bill, so too much laundry, taking a bath or washing our hair more than once a week, would get us in trouble for causing the utility bill to run high.  When that happened (not if, but when), then we lived with no power for a while when it got disconnected.

 

Having a clean bed with sheets. Sheets became a luxury and a top sheet was something rich people used.  I honestly didn’t know fitted sheets and flat sheets were a set until I was in my late teens or early 20s.  I thought they were just different styles of sheets that went on the mattress and only rich people put two sheets on the bed. 

 

When I watch HGTV’s house buying shows and I see people who complain because their kids won’t share a bathroom, I have to burst out laughing.  We grew up sharing a bed.  Sometimes three kids to a bed, and if the heat was turned off, all six of us slept in one bed to stay warm. 

 

We had bed wetters in our house and when that happened, the blankets were just thrown back to allow the bed to dry.  Sheets were never changed, mattresses were never protected. We slept on pee-smelling mattresses and sheets.  It was a given.  It was normal.  How much do I appreciate clean sheets and beds?  You cannot imagine.

 

I read a book once, “Hillbilly Effigy”, which was about how a man grew up hillbilly style.  I’m sure the people in New York read the transcript and thought “Wow! This in incredible!” I read it and thought, “Yeah, so?  You grew up like me. Why is that a book?” 

 

But there was one “ah-HA!” moment at the end when he describes having a Christmas list of gift ideas for his nieces and nephews.  On the list is pajamas.  His thought was “Pajamas!  Poor people don’t wear pajamas!” and went on to describe that poor people slept in dad’s old t-shirts or underwear or similar old clothes that were too worn out to pass down to the next kid.

 

I can relate.  I remember having nightgowns when other relatives gave them to us as Christmas gifts, but from the age of about 12, I have never in my life owned pajamas. The idea of having special clothes just to sleep in is just foreign to me.  I really cannot wrap my head around why this idea makes any sense to anyone. You really change out of pants and a shirt to put on a set of different pants and a shirt then go to bed? Really? I own a robe to wear over my underwear or my oversize t-shirt until I get dressed for the day.

 

When we were first married, my husband, Phil, was surprised that I didn’t change clothes when I came home from work.  Change clothes?  Wow, only rich people had two sets of clothes!  When he explained his after-school-clothes were his old play clothes, again I respond that only rich people had clothes for school and clothes to play in. 

 

If we couldn’t wear it to school (in the days when little girls had to wear dresses), then it didn’t get purchased.  Clothes I outgrew became school clothes for the younger sisters.  Plus, as I already mentioned, if we had DARED to wear two sets of clothes that created more laundry that created more water use that created a big light bill, we’d be in big trouble.  I appreciate just owning my one pair of jeans (at a time) to wear on the weekend.

 

I knew someone who was trying to convince me how bad he had it. How there were times when they walked home from school for lunch, ‘…..all we had was some potato soup.”  My response?  “You had lunch everyday?  I thought only rich people did that.”  There was a short time period that we lived in a city school system and walked home for lunch.  No school-provided lunches in those days.  Lots of times, we walked home, watched some tv and walked back.  Lunch every single day was for rich people. 

 

Another person I worked with who complained “we can only afford macaroni and cheese, and hot dogs for dinner.”  I could only internally shake my head and I remembered back when just ONE of those as our whole dinner was considered a feast.  Notice I didn’t say “would have been” …. I was “WAS”.  Supper was a hot dog or two.  Supper was a plate of mac-n-cheese.  

This person didn’t appreciate how good she had it.  

I do.